Coney Island Freak!

Coney Island Freak!

Protect Your Neck: Zombie Apocalypse!

Within the past couple weeks; there has been an alarming amount of unusual crimes, murders, and activity.  And in light of the most recent news (which took place in my home town) I feel obligated to share my feelings and shine some light unto a growing problem.  


Yes. There is no other way I can write this.  It seems to have started out in Miami, Florida - Memorial Day Weekend.  One homeless man was found feasting on the face of another homeless man.  Cops stated it took two shots before the man stop “eating” and charged them.  Where they proceeded to fire two more rounds.  In Maryland a 21 year old male confessed to eating the heart and brain of a college roommate. Few weeks later in New Jersey (the armpit of America), cops had a man rip apart his torso and hurl his large intestine at them.  And just yesterday, a woman was arrested in my hometown for stealing a wig and biting out a chunk of the hair shop owners’ arm.  

Apparently, there are a few other heinous crimes throughout the United Stated that forces me to believe that the end is near and the time has come when Zombies shall rise.

Now maybe I’m wrong… Maybe I’m right… But it makes damn good sense to me!  A few years ago, everyone was saying that the world would come to an end in 2012.  And if I’m not mistaken, doesn’t the bible state “When there is no more room in Hell, The dead shall walk the Earth”

I for one, am not going to sit back and be eaten by a fucking Zombie.  You have to protect your neck.  Therefore, I have compiled a small list of tips and pointers so when the Zombie Apocalypse starts - at least my 30 some odd followers will be trained and educated.  Let me also express that, these tips are for defense only… The man who tries to be a vigilante either gets eaten or incarcerated.  

  1. Be able to run fast - Uh, Duh!
  2. Don’t hide for to long.  Zombies can smell fresh blood.
  3. Aim for the head.  This myth holds true, one shot to the brain.
  4. Wear gloves. HIV is already an epidemic, imagine Zombie HIV.
  5. Have fun.

The last step is highly encouraged.  In bad times, it can be hard to smile or see the positive.  If your with other survivors of the Zombie Apocalypse - make a game out of the merciless killings.  Try Zombie head bowling… Or make a Zombie campfire - the posiblities are endless.  I know it may be hard to keep faith and trust in GOD.  However, you will be alright - Just stay strong and carry a gun.  

(and the bible doesn’t say “When there is no more room in Hell, The dead shall walk the Earth”.  That’s a direct quote from Dawn of the Dead)

31 Day Challenge: Day 1

Let me start off by saying “Happy 1st of May”.  It’s been an interesting few weeks (weather wise) and I’m excited for the upcoming months.  Unfortunately, today is raining and my Seasonal Affective Disorder is on fritz, but I’m sure by the start of the weekend when Cinco de Mayo comes around, my “spirits” will be high.  So, in honor of my hopes for a wonderful 31 days of May, I have chosen to partake in a writing challenge.  This challenge would push me to blog more often, as well as explore and share parts of myself that I may feel uncomfortable doing.

I posses a list of different personal questions to be used throughout the month of May.  The idea is for me to honestly answer each question and blog my response.  Some of the questions are more invasive than others, and I’m sure my responses will be in-depth and emotional.  Shit, I may even find myself tearing up.

The reason I’m doing this is because I believe I’m a fucked up individual.  I have a lot of problems and issues’ swarming in this big head of mines.  This is probably the closest thing to a therapist I can afford (damn I need better health insurance).  The idea of me recording and expressing myself in a positive manner instead of running to the closest liquor store is something completely new to me, but I think I can make it through the month. 

Now that that’s all said, Lets get rolling on this first question.

Q: What is your full name?

A: Brandon Timothy McCall

I was told that there is only one thing given to you at birth in which you will be remembered by at death.  And the answer to this riddle is your name, although I incorrectly answered HIV (sad).  No matter whom you are or what you have done, your name goes a long way.  It’s the first thing you use when meeting a new person and the last thing someone will remember depending on the impression you leave on them.  Without a name what would we be?

I love my name, and I’m proud to call it my own.  Now don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of nicknames.  This depends on the context in which you call me (wink, wink).  But in the end of it all, my name is Brandon Timothy McCall.  Nice to meet you!


Are you still considered a blogger if you only re-blog pictures and other people’s work?

Mail: A Letter of Frustration!

Disclaimer: All names within this blog-post are changed to maintain confidentiality.  Any similarities between persons is intended.  Mental Paraphernalia is not responsible for any misconceptions perceived about the people within this blog-post. 

Dear ___________,

If you haven’t noticed, I’m fed the fuck up.  You have managed to destroy every bit of “compassion” that I have toward you, resulting in this shallow attempt from me to express my feelings about our situation.  And although I will not directly mention your name, blog about specific situations, or reach out to you; I am in high hopes that you will have seen this letter before the weekend is up. Yes, your that predictable!  So where shall I begin? How about I start with two things I do not like about you.

Two Things I do not like about you:

1.    Your to emotional. Over these past few weeks you have been nothing but a bitch; and quite frankly, if I wanted to, I’d date a bitch. I don’t have time for the “I think we should stop talking” games just so you can receive some form of reaction out of me.  I’m tired of the “why don’t you ever text me” messages every other day.  Or my favorite, “why can’t you make time”.

The first conversation we had, I expressed a few things. I need my freedom, I’m not a nice person, and most importantly… I’M NOT LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP!  There should be no reason why your so emotional.  Because as far as I’m concerned, we are not together.  I didn’t believe I was obligated to do shit besides go to work.  Since when did you become a priority? Oh wait, I remember - when you let the best of your emotions take over.

2.     Your to insecure.  I wont say I don’t take any blame in your insecurities.  But I will be honest and admit that I am not the right person to help you through them.  As before, we have discussed the fact that I have my own problems to handle.  I can’t carry the weight of the world on my back, nor will I choose to.  What you need to learn to do is live for yourself.  And if you have to question what that means, then your not doing it.

Now lets sit and reflect.

I have had to curse you out on numerous occasions.  And every time your so apologetic.  But I’m frustrated, tired of this back and forth bullshit.  I need you to simply understand that, I DON’T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.  So now that I said it online you can FINALLY get a GOD DAMN CLUE!

The problem that lies with you refers to a blog I previously posted.  You want more out of this friendship than I do, Alternative Motives.  You mistake my kindness and willing to enjoy each others company more than what it is.  Just like you mistake me being standoffish as cold.  No, its just me slapping your ass back to reality.

As of right now, to answer your question.  No, we shall not progress into anything more.  And I mean that in both relationship and friendships.  This is mainly because your can’t seem to separate the two.  You have manage to keep on your “rose tinted” glasses long enough to ruin your own eye sight.  The moment you open your eyes and realize this, then maybe I will start responding to your text messages and answering my phone. Maybe.


The “Freebird” Road-trip.

Let me start off my recognizing that I haven’t written a blog-post in awhile.  I have been so busy trying to maintain my job, sanity, and a social life; where certain things have been put on hiatus.  This however doesn’t include Internet Pornography, which I allocate time each day within my busy schedule.

But lets be frank, “spanking it” gets old when it become routine. Anywho…

I received a phone call this past weekend with a proposition that I couldn’t refuse, a road-trip.  And anyone who truly knows me, understands that I live life spontaneously.  With that said, I agreed to this random road-trip from Connecticut to Washington DC (approx. 6hrs away) - Zero dollars in my pocket, a half charged cellphone, and no current drivers’ license.  Yet, the thrill of an obscure 24hrs with five of my closest friends was much more important.

(@MsHyDemand,  @JJDizz1l,  @OrganicSex,  @urevery_fantasy,  @AgentKodyBanks) <——— Follow Them On Twitter!

From the time we all linked up at the McDonald’s alongside Interstate 95s - I just knew I was in for a night of debauchery

Songs like “Yankin” by Lady, blared through the speakers as we cracked jokes about each other.  We spoke in a language only Black Homosexuals would understand. Every bit of shade thrown was “For The GODS”, while we laughed at each others misfortunes and shared memories. 

Our agenda was pretty cut-dry; lesbian strip-club, party, home.  However, there was downtime for scandals and food.  Fortunately for us we made it to DC in record timing (less than 5hrs) which gave us more time to play.

The strip-club was located in the back of a liquor store which had a drive-up window.  Flickering bright yellow letters, glowed in the smoke screen smog that seemed to hover over the brick building.  It read “The Hangar”, such a sketchy name for a sketchy place.  Yet, we took it by storm.  Titties, weaves, and overly priced drinks ran rampant within.  But the locals where accepting and the pussy, amazing!  It wasn’t long before we forgot our morals and became “regulars”.

After the strip-club, we proceeded in our typical fashion of finding food.  This attempt landed us in “Tastee Diner” - Being served by a dingy, attractive, under 21, Haitian waiter; who’s young libido had the table in a frenzy.  Oh, poor kid… He wasn’t prepared for us.  What normally would’ve been an hour meal turned into a 3hr attempt to turnout this young man. (FYI we got his twitter name for future road-trips)  The food was mediocre, service was shitty, but he made up for it.

After, we crashed at the Days Inn (without the waiter).

The following day, we managed to pit-stop in Baltimore to eat at one of the “Best/Worst” restaurants ever.  Dick’s Last Resort (located in the Inner Harbor) isn’t a place for everyone.  The staff is purposely mean, rude, and disrespectful.  As you walk in, t-shirts with dick jokes decorate the walls while a slew of bras hang from behind the bar.  Our waiter screamed, yelled, and made us funny hats to wear.  I dont want to elaborate, but I will say it was the coolest shit ever.

Then, our brief people cruising around the harbor was halted with the realization that we have obligations to uphold.  Which was a bummer because the cuties were just starting to come out.  So what else could we do but jump back in our car and drive home, into the sunset.

Below are some of the many photos we took on our excursion.  All the shots where taken using the greatest cellphone camera money can provide.

random thought.

How long is an eternity? There has to be a mathematical explanation.

word to the wise.

You can message me and ask me anything you like.  But be mindful that my responses can either be serious or ratchet. 

Alternative Motives.

Disclaimer: All names within this blog-post are changed to maintain confidentiality.  Any similarities between persons is intended.  Mental Paraphernalia is not responsible for any misconceptions perceived about the people within this blog-post.

Jimmy Q:  Everyday I receive a text message from him.  Usually our conversations start in the same manner.  Him asking me if I’m available to “hang-out”.  In return I usually respond no.  This causes a backlash from him stating that I never reciprocate within our “friendship”. 

The problem with him is that he doesnt understand I dont want anything other than a friendship.  Jimmy Q is a classic example of someone with Alternative Motives.  He only hangs around with the hopes I will give him what he wants.  Exactly what that is, is beyond my knowledge.  Just the other day he said me, “why do you make it this hard for me, I could make you happy”.  What the fuck! You want to be friends, but you send me text like this?  Maybe Im wrong, but I wouldnt send this message to my other friends. Has the value of friendship been depreciated? 

For all the Jimmy Q’s out there, am I wrong for not wanting to maintain anything stable with you?

Now, time for a little hypocracy.

Kevin X:  You are my friend.  But the problem that lies with us is that I have blurred the lines of friendship.  Kevin X and I have the relationship that most people have with their friends, except we have had sex on multiple occasions.  

Kevin X has seemed to take our sexual acts more than what it is.  We have reached an agreement stating that the establishment of our friendship has been breached and we must respect the boundaries that are in place.  Yet, ever so often we maintain a sexual relationship that doesn’t help our situation.  And now, I am forced to withdraw from seeing him.  

Frank D:  In the past we had a fling.  We took the time to get to know one another and enjoyed working on a “relationship”.  But then he moved, causing us to end everything we have been building.  Just recently I visited him and noticed that he is in a committed relationship.  However, I still think about what if he wasnt?

Yes, I myself have Alternative Motives.  When we talk I instantly think about what would’ve been between us.  And I do not shy at the idea of continuing our relationship where we left off.  However, I honor the fact that he’s happy and never press the issue.

The point that I’m trying to make is, we are all like this. As humans there are reasons why we maintain the company we keep.  Whether its treating your boss to lunch or helping a friend move into a new apartment.  The idea of getting something back in return isn’t the best grounds for maintaining a friendship.  Yet, if it will help us advance in any way; we will jump at the thought.  

Ugh, The Shit I Hate.

Let me take this time out to get personal. 

I feel as if I should tell Tumblr, my eleven followers, and the infinite amount of people who read my blog; a little bit about myself.  I’m sure you have been wondering about the mysterious man behind the blog post - No, its cool.  And if you have read any of my previous post, then you can get a sense of the young alcoholic individual that I am.  But today I will not get into details about “things” you would love to hear.  Today I will talk about the shit I HATE.

You may have thought to yourself, “Self: It’s a new year, why is he being so negative?” My response would simply be, “Reader: Shut the Fuck up”

See that’s one thing that I hate, to be questioned.  A trait that is not the best to have, but I’m working on correcting it.  

I also hate soup, gin, and small children.  Can you imagine being in a room with all three?  The thoughts running through my mind are impure. 

I can actually rant for hours about the things I dont like.  Yet, I compiled a list of ten things that irk me.  (Note: Items are not in any particular order)

  1. Spiders
  2. Crying Children
  3. Soup
  4. Marijuana Users (who can’t maintain their high)
  5. Excessively Gay Men
  6. Girls with Multiple Hair Colors (more than two)
  7. Gin
  8. Public Transportation
  9. Authority (all kinds: both tangible and intangible)
  10. Needy people

Normally, this is the part of the blog when I express individually why I hate each “thing” on my list; but not today.  What I can say is, I will periodically refer to this list.  I will blog about each one in upcoming posts, just so you can understand exactly why I hate them.  

Except soup, I just fucking hate that shit.

*message me, tell me about something you dislike*


Moments of Doubt.

Have you ever felt as if everything you’ve worked hard for can be blown away with a gentle breeze?  How about pressure constantly upon your shoulders?  Unsettled, unease, unsure?

What I’m suggesting is, I believe I’m losing my friends.  Not just any friends, but lifelong friendships.  People say, “everyone grows apart”.  But along with my drinking problems, comes separation issues.  I don’t necessarily know how to approach this situation.  So I shall blog it, with intents it reaches the correct people.

I’m having moments of doubt, and it hurts.

Commercialism vs. Family-time: Holiday Edition.

December 25, 2011

I awaken from off my bedroom floor.  Apparently I drank to much the night before and couldn’t locate my bed; nonetheless, I had awaken.  It was Christmas.  Gosh, the excitement killed me as I stumbled down my stairway with the worst hangover I’ve had all year.  I can picture all the gifts packed away under the Christmas tree labeled ”From Santa”, and then looking at my mom with joy (I don’t believe in Santa - Lets be clear).  But this year was different.  Santa didn’t come, or as my mother puts it, “A Nigga Is Broke”.

How disappointed was I, a hangover and no gifts.  I was so taken back.  

But that’s what happens when you live in a society where commercialism is the forefront of the holiday season.  Thanksgiving is all about friends, family, and getting up the next day to fight the crowd in Walmart.

Yes, the moment you finish stuffing your turkey; corporations are “stuffing” you with the idea that spending money is the best way to say “I Love You”.  And its like this for every holiday; from Valentine’s Day to Christmas.  In my opinion, Christmas is the worst.

As a child (in my case) you are raised to have tons of gifts, over the top decorations, and believing in the magic of Santa Clause.  What we don’t see is the time, money, and effort our parents and loved one dish out to please us.  The other day my mom almost cried because she has never had a Christmas without gifts under the tree.

That really made me think.  My brother is home from the Army and I haven’t seen him in almost 2 years (thanks Obama).  My parents, although on the brink of a divorce, are living through their differences.  And my family magnitude might shift within the next year or so.  Meaning there is so much I need to be thankful and happy about.  Not having any gifts under the Christmas tree doesn’t alter my family life or the fact that I will love them regardless.

So after blankly staring at the Christmas tree, I walked into the kitchen.  My mother was sitting at the table with all the ingredients for an “Over the Top” Christmas Dinner.  I can see the disappointment on her face as she tried to subsidize her cooking for gifts. 

I gently kissed her forehead and told her this was the Best Christmas Ever.

Self-Defeating “Masochistic” Personality Disorder.

I think I have figured out my problem; I have a personality disorder. Yet, unlike most American’s who diagnosis themselves via television commercials, I used the internet.  With most mental health conditions, there’s a criteria doctors use to help determine which “illness” best “describes” you.  I have chosen Self-Defeating “Masochistic” Personality Disorder.  And although I should seek a second opinion, I choose to research this disorder more to see if I’m eligible for prescription pills.

Here are the symptoms associated with this disorder.

  1. Chooses people and situations that lead to disappointment, failure, or mistreatment even when better options are clearly available;
  2. Rejects or renders ineffective the attempts of others to help him of her.
  3. Following positive personal events, responds with depression, guilt, or a behavior that produces pain.
  4. Incites angry or rejecting responses from others and then feels hurt, defeated, or humiliated.
  5. Rejects opportunities for pleasure, or is reluctant to acknowledge enjoying himself or herself.
  6. Fails to accomplish tasks crucial to his or her personal objectives despite demonstrated ability to do so.
  7. Is uninterested in or rejects people who consistently treat him or her well, e.g., is not attracted to caring sexual partners;
  8. Engages in excessive self-sacrifice that is unsolicited by the intended recipients of the sacrifice.

It is suggested that if you receive a diagnosis at least 5 of the 8 symptoms, then your ass is crazy. I scored a 6 of 8, which means I really have problems.

What this disorder means to me is, I need to grow a fucking backbone.  A masochist by definition is: 

  1. Psychiatry: a person who has masochism the condition in which sexual or other gratification depends on one’s sufferingphysical pain or humiliation.
  2. a person who is gratified by pain, degradation, etc., that is self-imposed or imposed by others.
  3. a person who finds pleasure in self-denial, submissiveness,etc.

In theory, I inflict “pain” upon myself with the choices that I decide to make.  I am my own worst enemy in a sense where I hold myself back from achieving the things I need to accomplish.  Does that make me any different from other people within my demographic (young alcoholics)?

Do I really have a personality disorder?

No, the fact that The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders has ruled against its admittance, kind of ruined my chances of getting any pills.  But for the most part, as long as I accept the fact that I have problems I can make the conscience effort to change them.

Business, Pleasure, & Friendships.

This has been an emotionally draining week thus far.  The countdown to the holidays is in mid swing, a new year is on the brink of dawn, and the suicide rate has risen from the previous holiday season.  Lord knows the pressure that has been bestowed upon me grows heavier with the closing of each day.  How am I suppose to juggle and balance my life in such chaos.

Business, Pleasure, & Friendships. Three separate and demanding entities within my life. How am I suppose to accomplish all aspects of each without compromising one of the others (and without burning out).  Let me break each one down.

Business: I WORK RETAIL! (enough said)

Pleasure: This doesn’t particularly mean my sex life (although rather interesting and full of juicy stories; now isn’t the time to discuss it).  What I mean by “pleasure” is the leisure time that I set aside for myself.  You know, the time you use to cook yourself a hot meal or maybe go for a jog.  See the problem that lies with “me time” is the fact that I work all the time. Which brings me back to square one.


Friendships: And although most would label this under “pleasure” (wink, wink).  Its very difficult for me to see my friends when I would like to.  For instance, me and my best-friend use Mondays as a day to catch up on things that may have happened during the previous week.  In all actuality, we use Mondays as an excuse to have a few (a lot) of beers.  But lately, I’ve had to chose between work and being selfish. 

This is so hard, and for once I’m without any practical and constructive solution to my “difficult” life issues.

I guess maybe I should invite my best-friend out for a few drinks; on my lunch break.  Because until this holiday season is over, my time must be divided.